Week two: Pink or blue?
Week two and some things are going well and some thing need a little more work.
ThesisBaby is getting used to going to nursery 2 days a week now, so tends to start the day with a smile and not a scream- yey! I also find now I have predefined baby-free time (2-3 hours at night and 2 mornings a week, as well as a few hours at the weekend) I am managing to be more focused and actually getting work done, almost as much as before! On the downside ThesisBaby refusing to drink at nursery which leads to a very tired thirsty baby in the afternoon and I'm struggling with expressing enough milk for her when I'm at work. I suppose it's useful she doesn't want to drink much while I'm not around because an hour pumping usually only produces 100ml of milk. ho hum. TB has a tin of formula at nursery now to make up the shortfall, and we decided that post nursery-afternoon is a feeding cuddle zone- no work. I have given myself permission to focus on just her.
I tend to carry ThesisBaby in a carrier or sling to nursery so we both get some really good cuddle time before our day apart starts, plus it has the added advantage that I don't have to worry about folding and parking the buggy on the mornings I have to get the train to work. Wednesday morning I was de-slinging her opposite a lady doing paperwork. Now two things to know- firstly, TB paper loves paper, rustling it, eating it, throwing it, stealing it....all paper is a potential toy*. Second thing; ThesisBaby is equally as likely to be wearing her pink Minnie Mouse dress or dressed as a tiny pirate; blue stripey top, blue dribble bib, grey trouser and blue shoes with rainbow fish on them. We don't dress or like a girl, but we don't not dress her like a girl either.
ThesisBaby smiles at the lady, giggles and hides her face in my shoulder, it is a really cute game that goes on for a few minutes until the lady notices she is being played with. The lady smiles and says hello, so I mention it's the paper moving that baby is laughing at, because she likes to eat it. The lady and I have some convivial small talk about babies and how they eat anything... and then she says
<speaking to TB> " you are a proper little boy aren't you... we couldn't put you in a pink dress could we"
Only of course she does wear pink dresses, at the last cont we have about 6, it's just today she happens to be dressed in blue like a pirate. At this point we are called into the nursery so I don't get to correct the lady. Also even if she was a boy why couldn't she wear pink, pink it just a happy bright colour!
It reminded me of an experiment our lab did in collaboration with the engineering school while I was 26 weeks pregnant. We were in a science center with members of the public testing out some new feedback techniques for our research equipment: it was really great grass roots science with the public and work I really love.
For this experiment I was the principle investigator, coming to the end of the second trimester and visibly pregnant, but still active and able to demo the equipment ( it's used for exercise rehab). My engineering colleague (a male PhD of computer science) is handling the computer stuff, while I'm doing safety briefs, teaching people how to use the equipment and also acting as lab manager, letting people into the test area, collecting informed consent etc.
One guy comes in, ignores me while I'm trying to explain the safety things, goes to jump on the machine by grabbing the handle so hard is moves, and then looks at my colleague for confirmation when I put my hand out stopping him from a. getting on and b. falling off and getting hurt. Luckily my colleague is amazing and says 'it's her experiment- you do as she says', at which point the participant finally takes me seriously, although he later seemed incredulous that I designed and ran the experiment and I was pregnant.
It was the first time I'd experienced sexism as a scientist and it still bugs me. When I see ThesisBaby experience the same attitude even though she is only half a year old I want to tear up the world and make it better so she never has to hear silly s*** like that again. It's not fair on anyone of any gender to insist they live inside a box predefined expectations.
*which is why I don't read paper articles with her on my lap anymore- more than 1 of my references has a soggy corner or has been scrunched up while she 'helped' :)
ThesisBaby is getting used to going to nursery 2 days a week now, so tends to start the day with a smile and not a scream- yey! I also find now I have predefined baby-free time (2-3 hours at night and 2 mornings a week, as well as a few hours at the weekend) I am managing to be more focused and actually getting work done, almost as much as before! On the downside ThesisBaby refusing to drink at nursery which leads to a very tired thirsty baby in the afternoon and I'm struggling with expressing enough milk for her when I'm at work. I suppose it's useful she doesn't want to drink much while I'm not around because an hour pumping usually only produces 100ml of milk. ho hum. TB has a tin of formula at nursery now to make up the shortfall, and we decided that post nursery-afternoon is a feeding cuddle zone- no work. I have given myself permission to focus on just her.
I tend to carry ThesisBaby in a carrier or sling to nursery so we both get some really good cuddle time before our day apart starts, plus it has the added advantage that I don't have to worry about folding and parking the buggy on the mornings I have to get the train to work. Wednesday morning I was de-slinging her opposite a lady doing paperwork. Now two things to know- firstly, TB paper loves paper, rustling it, eating it, throwing it, stealing it....all paper is a potential toy*. Second thing; ThesisBaby is equally as likely to be wearing her pink Minnie Mouse dress or dressed as a tiny pirate; blue stripey top, blue dribble bib, grey trouser and blue shoes with rainbow fish on them. We don't dress or like a girl, but we don't not dress her like a girl either.
ThesisBaby smiles at the lady, giggles and hides her face in my shoulder, it is a really cute game that goes on for a few minutes until the lady notices she is being played with. The lady smiles and says hello, so I mention it's the paper moving that baby is laughing at, because she likes to eat it. The lady and I have some convivial small talk about babies and how they eat anything... and then she says
<speaking to TB> " you are a proper little boy aren't you... we couldn't put you in a pink dress could we"
Only of course she does wear pink dresses, at the last cont we have about 6, it's just today she happens to be dressed in blue like a pirate. At this point we are called into the nursery so I don't get to correct the lady. Also even if she was a boy why couldn't she wear pink, pink it just a happy bright colour!
It reminded me of an experiment our lab did in collaboration with the engineering school while I was 26 weeks pregnant. We were in a science center with members of the public testing out some new feedback techniques for our research equipment: it was really great grass roots science with the public and work I really love.
For this experiment I was the principle investigator, coming to the end of the second trimester and visibly pregnant, but still active and able to demo the equipment ( it's used for exercise rehab). My engineering colleague (a male PhD of computer science) is handling the computer stuff, while I'm doing safety briefs, teaching people how to use the equipment and also acting as lab manager, letting people into the test area, collecting informed consent etc.
One guy comes in, ignores me while I'm trying to explain the safety things, goes to jump on the machine by grabbing the handle so hard is moves, and then looks at my colleague for confirmation when I put my hand out stopping him from a. getting on and b. falling off and getting hurt. Luckily my colleague is amazing and says 'it's her experiment- you do as she says', at which point the participant finally takes me seriously, although he later seemed incredulous that I designed and ran the experiment and I was pregnant.
It was the first time I'd experienced sexism as a scientist and it still bugs me. When I see ThesisBaby experience the same attitude even though she is only half a year old I want to tear up the world and make it better so she never has to hear silly s*** like that again. It's not fair on anyone of any gender to insist they live inside a box predefined expectations.
*which is why I don't read paper articles with her on my lap anymore- more than 1 of my references has a soggy corner or has been scrunched up while she 'helped' :)
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